A man complained to his coworker that he didn't know what to get his wife for her birthday. 'She already has everything you could think of, and she can buy herself whatever she likes.'

'Here's an idea,' said the colleague. 'Make up your own gift certificate that says, 'Thirty minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she'll be enchanted.'

The next day, the colleague asked, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'

'Yes,' replied the man.

'Did she like it?'

'Oh, yes! She jumped up kissed me on the forehead, and ran out of the door yelling, 'See you in 30 minutes!''
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, 'Mom, what's sex?'

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, 'Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain.

'What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?'

'Throw out an anchor, sir.'

'What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?'

'Throw out another anchor, sir.'

'And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?'

'Throw out another anchor.'

'Hold on,' said the Captain, 'where are you getting all your anchors from?'

'From the same place you're getting your storms, sir.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, 'Head up or head down?'

'Head up,' said the doctor. 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' said the executioner. 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. 'Head up or head down?' 'Head up.' 'Blindfold or no blindfold?' 'No blindfold.' So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out: 'WAIT! I see what the problem is!'

__________________